Trigger warning for women that are sensitive to the topic of miscarriage
What comes to mind when you hear this statement? Maybe past experience, trauma, sadness, heartbreak, compassion or fear.
When I have said this statement, unfortunately I have felt ownership and responsibility attached to these two words. Unrightfully I have felt that these words represent my fault and my wrong doing.
The woman ‘I’ – she ‘miss-carried’ … Unfortunately these words can play on your mind as a woman who has experienced this circumstance.
I was speaking to my therapist and we uncovered that even though I knew it wasn’t my fault that I miscarried, I still felt guilty and responsible when I spoke about the topic.
We decided to break down the words and the feelings attached to them;
The ownership of ‘I‘. Being me.
‘Miss-carried’, that I didn’t carry the pregnancy right and I made a mistake
I then realized how and why I had these feelings of wrong doing, of guilt and shame. Because these two words that women have been saying for years, I have taken ownership for what my body has intuitively decided to do.
If you have been through a pregnancy loss, you may have felt this responsibility. Not only from the words but also from the fact that it is your body.
To try to turn this unrightfully responsible statement around, there are so many other ways of expressing an unfortunate experience like this without implying that you are to blame;
- This wasn’t the right timing for our baby
- My body was not ready for this big change
- There will be another time for our healthy baby to grow
- Our pregnancy was lost
Feel free to comment with any other words that you have found to work for you
As women and men who both have experienced this loss, it is not okay to feel the blame and guilt of this statement. Allow yourself to heal without the mindset that you did it wrong. You did the best you could and keep doing that.
Timing is divine, old wounds will heal and may you be blessed with a rainbow baby