Mourning the old but embracing the new me

Since finding out I was pregnant, I’ve had no trouble accepting the news. In fact we had been trying since the miscarriages – We were mentally ready to welcome the joy of pregnancy.

The title of this post describes exactly how I felt recently at a wedding my husband and I attended in Kazakhstan.
At the wedding, people were drinking, singing, dancing and having a joyous time. I definitely had a fair share of fun meeting new people and trying different foods however I felt something was missing – I felt that I wasn’t involved in the ‘real’ fun.
Time went on and I grew quite tired. (Mind you i’d had been going to sleep at 8pm every night in the past few weeks)
My husband and people at the table were doing shots and dancing, I tried to involve myself with the dancing but I felt I was not included in the party.

I sat down at the table and tried to question myself “Why am I feeling this way”

I came up with the answer almost instantaneously, I was saying goodbye and mourning the old me.
I began to cry, not from sadness but to embracing this new stage of life. This scary yet exciting transition from woman into motherhood.
I was already feeling the effects in the first 8 weeks how my life might change, not just for the better but also noticing the difference in what I will adapt and change in my lifestyle.
The old me, being the me that wasn’t pregnant, would have been toasting drinks and the life of the party. Now, being pregnant – Of course I can still choose to be the life of the party but I feel I hold more responsibility and a bigger purpose.

I decided to leave the wedding early, my emotions and tears were coming in waves. I assured my husband it was nothing he did and I set back to the hotel.

I reflected again on my emotions in the taxi – I reminded myself why I am choosing to become a mother, why I am choosing to be a wife to my loving husband and what I want to achieve in this life.

My goals and my purpose are way bigger than an event that I missed drinking and dancing at.
My purpose is to mother and nurture my family to the best of my ability.

From mourning my old life I find myself embracing this new stage.

 

Namste, B

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